Model PIE essay ( reflective essay about learning EWRT 1AS )

 Model PIEs for Reflective Essay

 

PIE #1

​This quarter, the greatest practice I’ve learned in terms of reading strategies is annotating to more actively focus on what I’ve read as well as look back to specific moments within the readings. Annotating has drastically improved my reading skills as, in high school English classes, I would never do the reading assignments because I was always distracted and felt discouraged that what I was reading wouldn’t stick; it felt like a waste of time.  ADD SPECIFICS FROM HS?. This quarter, in annotating, I was able to refer back to specific moments as physically highlighting and noting important parts meant that I was actively processing what I was reading, illustrating how making reading a physical process supported my ability to retain information. Alongside retaining information, annotating helped me to refer back to specific parts of the book more easily as changing colors and styles of what I was annotating made it easier to spot where I learn about a new character, place, or important quote. If I wanted to search for Trevor Noah perforating his cousin Bulelwa’s ear drum in the memoir Born A Crime, I would know that I highlighted new characters in orange and underlined their relation to him or I could recall that I highlighted the moment that comes just after—when his grandmother wouldn’t hit a white child— and know that I could find it the page before. This illustrates how actively reading through annotation helped me pinpoint certain moments in addition to how it helped me retain specific moments within the text. 

 

PIE #2

​The two main strategies that have most improved my writing are the use of joining words and PIE structure to make my writing more fluid and arguable, and, overall more persuasive. My sentence structure has drastically improved with understanding the importance of joining words, such as coordinators and subordinators, to make my writing more smooth. In my first essay this quarter—the narrative, “Lost in Seattle”— many of my sentences were short, choppy and full of fragments and run-ons.  I look back on my sentence structure and see several mistakes and just how bland my sentences were in terms of variety and diction. In my very first paragraph I write, “Green mountains, creating gorgeous gradients as far as the eye can see. Silky white meringue clouds, so low you could taste them. Fluffy cottonwood seeds, hovering mid-air and slowly descending from the trees like a dry warm summer’s snow,” visibly displaying my excessive use of choppy fragments (1). I see now that these descriptions could be brought together with use of the joining words “and” and “while.” I could rewrite this to say, ‘The green mountains create a gorgeous gradient as far as the eye can see, with silky white meringue clouds sitting so low you could taste them, while fluffy cottonwood seeds hover mid-air and slowly descend from the trees like a dry warm summer’s snow. This displays the way that joining words have upgraded my writing in that, rather than spurting out the imagery, they flow as if painting the picture I’m trying to create.  I provide the logical connection for my ideas and my reader can easily move through my words, taking them in.

See next page for PIE #3

PIE #3

​While coordinators and subordinators improved my sentences themselves, the writing strategy that elevated my paragraph structure this quarter was the PIE paragraph construction. The first PIE paragraph I wrote this quarter was a first draft for my “Happiness” essay, which had clear Ps but they weren’t so arguable.  Professor Sartwell commented, “You’re almost there— you need your Ps to be more opinionated, however.” displaying that, initially, my PIEs weren’t as strong as they needed to be to make a convincing argument. Through practicing, my body paragraphs became stronger as the comments on my Born A Crime essay never asked “and so what?” rather, they pointed out: “an arguable and interesting P,” or noting that I had “really strong evidence!”  In that case, I had woven in my own experience with being raised by a single mother to that of Trevor and Particia’s strong bond to get really specific.  Overall,  I now have more control over my body paragraphs,  which helps me to really argue my points. 

 

MLA format

 ESSAY/PAGE FORMAT GUIDELINES (MLA)​​​     ​​​​​​​​​​​​Your Last Name 1

(Double space and left align all thisinformation.)

 

 

 

 

 

Your Name

 

 

(Center the title and capitalize all the major words.  Do not underline your title.  You do not need a title page.)

 

My Name

 

Course Name and #

 

Date

 

Title of Your Essay

Each essay you write for this class and others needs to be neatly formatted. Indent each new paragraph using the “Tab”key.  Your document should be double spaced and 12 pointfont.  Please use Times New Roman font.  Make sure you have standard margins—one inch on the top, bottom and sides.  Do NOT add extra space between paragraphs; it should ALL be double-spaced.  A well-formatted essay looks good and makes it easier to read.

If you are including quotations in your essay, make sure to punctuate them with quotation marks and provide an in-text citation.  Here is an example: Fowler admits “Facebook is possibly the greatest and entertaining time waster disguising itself as a unifying college community, since study groups” (94).  The quotation marks let the reader know that these are not your words, and the page number in parenthesis tell the reader where they can find these words.  We’ll be going over this in more depth soon!

Before you print out your final draft, always read it one more time to check for mistakes and to make sure the format is correct.  Always save your work, and make sure you save ALL your work from the quarter, as you will need it for the portfolio.  If you use a computer at school or a friend’s save it on a flash drive and email it to yourself.  When you turn it in, it should feel like a finished piece of writing of which you feel proud! 

MLA Checklist

• Is the heading in the upper left-hand corner of the first page? 

• Does the heading include the following information in this order:

• Your name

• Your Instructor's name

• The course name

• The date formatted correctly:  Day Month Year  21September 2018

• Does the paper have an original title (other than something like "Final Paper" or a novel title, or someone else’s work)? 

• Is the title presented without being bolded, italicized, or placed in quotation marks?

• Is the title correctly capitalized?

• Does the paper have 1" margins on all sides? 

• Is the text justified to the left-hand side, with a 1” tab at the start of each paragraph?

• Is the paper written in Times New Roman and in 12-pt. Font?

• Is the entire paper double-spaced (including any notes and the works cited page)? Make sure to eliminate any extra spaces that are set to automatically appear when you hit enter. Make sure you don’t have any extra spaces between paragraphs. Set “Before” and “After” spacing to “0.”

• Is your header correctly done? Are your last name and the page number in the upper right-hand corner of each page (0.5" from the top, or inserted using the "header" function in Word)? Is it in written in TNR 12?

• If you've used ANY sources, do you have a works cited page? Is it titled "Works Cited" (without the quotation marks)? Does it have a page number (that follows the last page of your paper) and your last name?

• Does your works cited page conform to MLA format?

• Are the entries in your list of works cited in alphabetical order by the author's last name or other initial entry word(s)?

• Does each source have an entry on the works cited page?

• Have you italicized “containers” (novels, screenplays, journals, films, webpages)?

• Have you enclosed smaller pieces (articles, chapters, songs, poems) in quotation marks?

• Have you eliminated hyperlinks?

• Are your in-text references done correctly?

• Are all direct quotes in quotation marks?

• Do all paraphrases and summaries clearly indicate that they come from other sources?

• Does each in-text reference include a parenthetical citation that includes the author’s last name (unless the reference is obvious from the context of the sentence) and the page number from which the information was taken?

• If a quotation is 4 lines or more, is it block-quoted? (i.e. double-spaced, indented 1 inch from the left margin)

• Have you formatted dialogue from a film or play correctly?

• Have you clearly indicated where you found all outside information?

 

 

Joining words

 Avoid Fragment and RTS Errors with Coordination and Subordination

 

>>>Run-together sentences occur when you punctuate two or more sentences as if they were one sentence.  When you put a comma between them, there is still an error because commas do not grammatically separate two complete sentences.  Why do run-together sentences occur?  Because people think that two closely related ideas must be the same sentence.  

 

>>>Fragments occur when you don’t have a subject and verb unit and it’s not a complete thought; it’s a dependent clause.  

 

​Ex.  I rebelled against my father, my family got very angry with me.

 

This is a run-together sentence because there are two grammatically complete ideas here, with two subjects and two verbs.  (It can also be called a comma-splice error.)

 

Here is a run-together sentence (sometimes called a run-on sentence) that does not have a comma:

 

​Ex:  I did not join the gang I was afraid of getting into trouble in school.

 

Ways to correct run-together sentences:

 

1.  ​Put a period between the sentences and capitalize the first letter of the second sentence.

 

​I rebelled against my mother.  My family got very angry with me.

(This is grammatically correct but it’s pretty choppy.)

 

2.  ​Put a semi-colon between the two sentences.  The first letter of the second sentence is always lower case after a semi-colon.

 

​I rebelled against my mother; my family got very angry with me.

(Again, this avoids the RTS error, but a joining word would be btter.  Note: semi colons can go in between 2 sentences—for less of a pause than a sentence.)

 

 

3. The third and the best way to correct run-together sentences is to use a logical joining word in between them.  Why is it the best way?  

o It is the best way because you are then helping the readers by showing them what you think the relationship between the sentences is.  

o You are telling the readers what you mean rather than leaving it up to them to supply the relationship.  

o It is also the best because you don't end up with a lot of short and choppy sentences.

Coordinating Conjunctions:

There are only seven coordinating conjunctions.  The easiest way to remember them is with the silly word that is made up of the first letter of each, FANBOYS.

 

​FOR​​shows a cause relationship.

​AND​​shows an addition relationship.

​NOR​​shows the addition of negatives.

​BUT​​shows a contrast relationship.

​OR​​shows an alternative relationship.

​YET​​shows a contrast relationship.

​SO​​shows a result relationship.

 

❖ Punctuate sentences joined by coordinating conjunctions with a comma before the coordinating conjunction.

 

I rebelled against my mother, and my family got very angry with me.

 

It is acceptable to leave out the commas if the sentences you are joining are short.  It is also acceptable to separate the two sentences and begin the second with the coordinating conjunction.  Do this only rarely--for effect.

 

❖ Use coordinators you don’t normally.  Which two could you try? _________________

 

Subordinating Conjunctions:

 

Time:​​​​As    Before   After  When   Whenever  As soon as 

​​​​Since    Until    As long as    By the time    While 

 

Contrast:​​​Although    Though    Even though    Even if 

​​​​Whereas

 

Condition:​​​If    Unless

 

Cause/Effect:​​​Because    Since    As     So that

 

Other common subordinators:  ​​Whether     Wherever    As if  

​​​​​​​As though      The next time

 

❖ Subordinating conjunctions can join two sentences at the beginning of the ideas:

​When I rebelled against my mother, my family got very angry with me.

❖ Put a comma after the first idea when the subordinating conjunction joins two ideas at the beginning.

 

❖ Or subordinating conjunctions can join two sentences between the two ideas:

 

 

​I rebelled against my mother even though my family got very angry with me.

 

There is no comma if the subordinating conjunction joins between the two ideas.

 

The following words are subordinators but they do not join sentences in the same way.  If you find these words between sentences, you have not found a run-together sentence.

 

​Who​​Which​​Where​​That

 

 

MAJOR TRANSITION WORDS:

 

The following words are not conjunctions and do not join sentences. They sound like big, important words that could join two sentences with just a comma, but that is simply no the case.  They can also beover-used. 

 

Also​​​As a result​​​Hence

On the other hand​Besides​​​​However​Otherwise

Consequently​​In addition​​​Similarly

Finally​​​Moreover​​​Then

For example​​Nevertheless​​​Therefore

Furthermore​​Next​​​​Thus

 

We often have to tell students to stop using them so often in their writing.  Consider the following paragraph.

 

​I have two fathers; however, they are very different.  My stepfather has always had a steady job.  Thus he is always able to pay the bills and buy the groceries.  On the other hand, my father doesn’t care for steady jobs.  He is a singer; moreover, he only works three to four nights a week in clubs.  Consequently, he only sends us ten dollars a month.  However, he only does this when he is out of state.  Discipline is another difference between my two dads.  For example, my stepfather believes that children should always obey their parents.  On the other hand, my father has very different views; therefore, he always encourages my brother and me to rebel against the rules.  

 

The paragraph sounds silly because the sentences are so short and choppy.  Transition words should only be used very rarely--when there is a big transition between ideas.  Do not use them to join sentences.

 

Joining Words Chart (updated Feb 7, 2022):

Logical Relationship	Coordinating Conjunctions	Subordinating Conjunctions	Major  TransitionWords
Addition	and		also, moreover
Addition of Negative	nor
Alternative	or
Contrast	but	while
and Concession	yet	whereas although though even though
Cause/ Effect	so, and so	Because, since as
Effect / Cause	for	so that	therefore
		in that in order that	thus hence consequently
Condition		if unless provided that

 

EXERCISE #1:

In the following exercises, the best way to locate comma-splice errors is first to look for commas at the ends of complete sentences. Remember, of course, that there may be a comma at the end of what could be a complete sentence but that the sentence may continue:

She went jogging in the rain, picking up a nasty cold in the process.

The comma after rain marks a position where the sentence could have ended but, of course, it didn't. When you find such a comma, the second thing to look for is whether what follows it is a new subject and verb. In the sentence above, there is no new subject and verb; in the sentence below there is:

She went jogging in the rain, she never let the weather stop her.

CORRECT:  She went jogging in the rain, as she never let the weather stop her.

In the sentences below, identify all RTS errors and correct them right where the error is, using a coordinator, subordinator, major transition word, or a semicolon.  Some of the sentences are correct.

 

1. Just last week my little sister broke up with her boyfriend on Facebook, she had no problem changing her relationship status from “in a relationship” to “single.”

 

2. I told her she should give her boyfriend—of six months—the courtesy of telling him such news face to face she didn’t go speak to him.

 

 

3. She claimed that this is a common occurrence her first boyfriend broke up with her on Facebook.

 

4. High school students, maybe the ones who aren’t such great communicators, are usually the ones using Facebook to do their dirty work.

 

 

5. My Aunt has already told her thirteen year old son that he needs to always communicate the important stuff face to face even if it is difficult, he shouldn’t make private information public at least until he has talked in person about it.

6. Recently, I read an article about a school district back east that gave a workshop for students on break-up etiquette, one of the main lessons was to be respectful of others’ feelings and discussing serious issues face to face first.

 

7. There were pins given out to teenagers at the workshop stating, “Face it; don’t Facebook it!”

 

 

8. My little sister has hurt her now ex-boyfriend, a lot of other high schoolers have been hurt by Facebook posts.

 

9. I thought Carrie Bradshaw on Sex in the City had it bad when her boyfriend broke up with her on a Post-it, the relationship status change on Facebook seems to top this.

 

 

10. I’m sure there are some positive aspects about Facebook and social networking, I haven’t quite figured out what those are.

 

EXERCISE #2:

In the sentences below, identify all comma-splice errors and correct them, using a coordinator, subordinator, major transition word, or a semicolon otherwise.  Some of the sentences are correct.

1. Our football team finished in the bottom ten again last year, they are pretty untalented.

2. The offense averaged only 3.6 points a game, the defense was worse.

3. When they scored their first touchdown, the coach fainted.

4. The heaviest player on the team weighed 240 pounds, he was the quarterback.

5. The team needs new blood, most of their old blood is on the football field.

6. They had one momentous triumph, they won their last game of the season.

7. Our opponents were favored by 39 points, they were probably a little overconfident.

8. It was the greatest upset of the year, nobody ever expected anything like it.

9. The team tried to carry the coach around the field on their shoulders, they couldn't lift him.

10. It is true that he's a little heavy, he weighs about 300 pounds, more or less.

11. He once played guard for the Sacramento Poltroons, a minor-league football team.

12. The effort to lift him injured three players, who had to be hospitalized afterward.

13. The team we beat, our arch-rivals, went into shock after the game, they had to see therapists to cure their depression.

14. Many became suicidal, they had lost to the worst team in the state. 

15. Thus we can see the value of athletics, they are good for the pocketbooks of psychologists.

 

Write an RTS error you made on an essay here.

 

 

 

Now, correct it using one of the joining words.  Oftentimes the joining words help us better communicate our thoughts/ideas.